Book Review of "ALTARED: The true story of a SHE, a HE, and how they both got too worked up on about the WE"

"ALTARED: The true story of a SHE, a HE, and how they both got too worked up on about the WE" is non-traditional look at marriage in the Christian culture. The authors, Claire and Eli, willingly admit to their audience that this book is "raw" and based heavily on their own personal experiences. It is their look into the Christian view of marriage from their own personal perspectives.

If you were expecting this to be anything like a traditional Christian book on dating and marriage then I encourage you to never EVER read this book because it is in NO WAY a traditional view on marriage! In some ways the authors seem to look down upon and belittle the traditional standards of Christian dating and marriage. As you may have guessed from the title one of their major issues with the traditional viewpoint is the amount of emphasis that is placed on dating and marriage in the church. It goes to the point that it is almost past observation and into the realm of being blatantly offensive.

This book does challenge you to look at things in a way most Christians aren't normally challenged to but I would never recommend this book to someone who already struggles with the ideas of dating and marriage. Make no mistake that I agree that too much emphasis is placed on the fact that many Christians and churches seem to believe that all Christians have to get married, but that doesn't belittle the importance of marriage. There are times that I felt it was marriage--rather than the over focusing on marriage--that was questioned, but that's just my opinion.

However, Altared is a good reminder to churches and church staffs that you don't have to be married to be an effective Christian or an effective minister. I believe that was part of the original intent of this book and for that I applaud them. I simply ask that they present their case in a way that I feel more of an equal and less talked down to.

You can try Altared for yourself by reading Chapter One. This book was provided to me free of cost for review purposes by Waterbrook Multnomah Publishing.

Valentines Day Special: Part Three

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!
(a.k.a. Singles Awareness Day according to some SBU alumni)


Today I wanted to write one more blog about L-O-V-E. I could go to 1 Corinthians chapter 13, but I think that would be a little too cliche. Instead I want to share with you what I consider to be one of the greatest love verses in the Bible.

"But here is how God has shown his love for us. While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

This verse is short and to the point and that point is that God loves us. In fact He loved us so much that He gave up His perfect and only Son to come and die a horrible death on the cross so that He could have a relationship with us. If that's not love then I don't know what is.

Today, on Valentine's Day, celebrate your love for one another. Share the love with a friend who may not be married or dating yet. But most of all remember the love of Christ and share that with someone who needs that love today.

Other Resources:

These are a few other resources that can improve your marriage, dating, and life in general.

Valentines Day Special: Part One

Obviously everyone is talking about Valentine's Day because it is just around the corner. Yesterday I was reading She Seeks--another awesome blog geared toward women--and the post was all about being Committed. Just so you know, She Seeks is a blog written by a community of female authors. Committed is this weeks post by Lisa Whittle.

The post itself was awesome but as I was reading the comments I was hit smack in the face with all the problems facing our marriages. Woman after woman talked about their struggles in their marriage. Sometimes they were the problem, sometimes it was their spouse, and your heart just breaks.

That's when I decided that my next few posts will be my Valentine's Day specials and will deal exclusively with love, dating, and marriage. It all starts today.



This song I have included here is called "Dancing in the Minefield" by Andrew Peterson. This first time I heard the title of this song I didn't have a clue what it was about. So take a good listen before you write it off. It's an awesome song about marriage. In a lot of ways, I think the chorus really sums up what marriage should be.

We went dancing in the minefields
We went sailing in the storm
And it was harder than we dreamed
But I believe that’s what the promise is for

No matter whether you find yourself in the good times, the bad times, or the in between times don't give up. You are not alone! Cling to Jesus. Cling to your spouse. Be committed! Live by the promise you made to each other on your wedding day. Seek prayer and support. Your marriage is worth it.

More to come...

Married to the Funny Guy

My husband, Jimmy, has started a new blog. While I was reading it this morning, I laughed at all of his jokes and rolled my eyes at some of the things I know he said just to get a rise out of me. Jimmy is the funny guy. Right now he has undertaken a challenge to watch 365 different movies in one year--not one per day exactly--and blog about them. Part of this came from his own conviction about us owning just over 360 movies not to mention the ones we rent, Netflix, and see in the theaters. We're three posts into this blog and his posts are really good. He just has a way of drawing people in and making them laugh that I find more than a little intimidating. His quickness to laugh and be crazy--to be the funny guy--is a natural icebreaker. It amazes me! I wish I had a little bit of his natural, God given talent for making new friendships. It would make life so much easier.

As Christians, we should exude Christ in a way that draws people to Him--much the same as Jimmy uses humor. We are the light of the world. When all else is darkness people naturally gravitate toward the light. We shouldn't hesitate to share the good news with them. We shouldn't use the fact that it might not come naturally to us as an excuse to push people away or not share the love of Christ with them. It can't come naturally to all of us. Some of us--like me--will have to work really hard to build those relationships with people, but that doesn't mean I should give up. Don't let your fears and doubts about who you are or the gifts you have or don't have hold you back. Be who God created you to be--even if it isn't the funny guy--and share Christ in anyway you can!

If You're Interested...

• to learn more about Jimmy and his 365 day movie challenge, visit his blog  the 365 Blog Challenge.
• to learn more about the design work that I do, please visit my website Mustion Design

How Dave Ramsey & Financial Peace University Changed My LIfe

I don't know about you but I was 22 years old when I got married. I wasn't always one for thinking ahead. I had worked several jobs through my college life and I was holding down a job at the time. I was also in very little debt and had the blissful feeling right before entering repayment on my student loans. I thought I had everything under control when it came to money....dunt dunt duh....then I got married.


Not only does getting married change who you are as a person, it changes every other part of your life! I married the man of my dreams but it was more than that. I married into his family. I married into his ministry. I married into his money (or lack there of -- which was more like it). I also married into his debt.

Now Jimmy and I are a unique case. For personal reasons that I won't get into here, Jimmy has a lot of unresolved debt due to theft of his identity as a small child and mounting student loans. Thankfully, he told me about all this before we got married or we could have had WAY more financial problems than we did. As it was, we only had so much income and no plan to make it work, but we had credit cards!

We used our credit cards for a few little extras on our honeymoon and then we paid some of it off. We thought we were fine. Then Jimmy was told he only had four months left of his job and we began to panic. We scrimped and we saved and we put away birthday money and Christmas money. No fun for us that year. By the time the deadline rolled around we had $2000 in savings. I still had a job and I took on another and another. We thought we would be okay, but five months later our savings were gone, our credit cards were almost maxed out, I was working three jobs, Jimmy was still searching, and we still had no plan. It was stressful and frightening! Not to mention all the stress it can put on a new marriage! But we were not alone.

According to USA Today money is one of the top 3 marriage stressers out there. So what are you going to do about it?

In July, I was let go from one of my photography jobs and as a last resort applied to a job as a night monitor at the Missouri Baptist Children's Home. It's not what I wanted and if I got it we would have to leave our wonderful apartment in South County to move to a considerably less desireable (but more affordable) apartment in North County but I had no other hope. I got the job.

In August, we moved to Bridgeton and I started work. While I was in training I learned about Dave Ramsey and Financial Peace University (FPU). God knew what he was doing when He brought me to the Children's Home and put me in Amy's (a die hard Dave fan) training class. As it turned out, Amy taught the FPU class at Ridgecrest Baptist Church. By the end of training, I was desperate to find out more about this class and I knew exactly who to go to.

When class started in September, I had a new job and so did Jimmy. We were prepared to hope that our situation could be different if we were ready to make drastic changes. We eagerly sucked up all the facts and techniques that Dave was willing to teach us and began trying to put them into practice. It was really hard at first and we were frustrated, but we knew where we would be if we quit. By the end of FPU, we had completed Baby Step #1: Put $1000 into an Emergency Fund and had begun Baby Step #2: Pay off Debt Using the Debt Snowball Method. Here we are a little over 3 years later and our life is so different!

Yes, we are still on Baby Step #2 but we have paid off more than $7,000 worth in debt with our limited incomes (guess what ministry doesn't pay much and we both have ministry jobs!). We also live by a budget that we actually know how to make work! We fight less about money (unless someone is just having a greedy or selfish moment). But best of all we have HOPE for the future. Yes, at times things still seem overwhleming, but we have a plan. I know that if we stay the course or do better than planned then we will be debt free (except student loans) in September of 2013. That means that just 6 years from starting we will have paid off more than $75,000 in debt with interest probably closer to $100,000. I think that's pretty remarkable.

I thank God for showing us how to find financial freedom. I thank God for Amy who God used to show us the way. I thank God for Dave Ramsey who God used to give us the tools, and I thank God for my husband, Jimmy, who has been with me all the way.

To find out how Financial Peace University can change your life, visit daveramsey.com or find a class near you!

this blog is dedicated to Shaina Rubin, Dustin Underwood, Shelby Conn, Kevin Little, and all people getting ready to start a new life together. may you get your marriages started off with the strong foundation and tools you need to make life easier and to help your marriages thrive.

You Then Me

You Then Me

by Rebeccah St. James

It's my turn, it's not your turn
It's my turn, get outta my way
It's my turn, go on complain
I'm comin' through anyway
Don't ask me why I'm like this
But lately I'm wonderin' if
It's come to pass
That the last shall be
first and the first shall be last
Then the voice says...

CHORUS:
Here's the way it oughtta be
You then me, then you then me
Well, I pray one day we'll all agree
And take it you then me, then you then me
Life could go you then me, then you then me

It's easy, you wait then go
It's easy, so make your move
It's easy, don't clown around
Could've gone six times by now
But no sir, you gotta be a pain
Or is this your own way of sayin'
We should all cool down
And be more like the man
who was born back in Bethlehem town?
I betcha He'd say...

CHORUS

BRIDGE

If we could only put You first
Maybe this ugly trend could one day be reversed

It's your turn, it's not my turn
It's your turn - well, let's just say
We'll trade off - first you then me
Then after that, we might agree

Let's try it, it could be good
And what if one day it should
Really come to pass
That the last shall
be first and the first shall be last
Betcha we'd say

CHORUS

In our nightly devotions, Jimmy and I have been studying about how love puts the other person first. This is something that I believe all people struggle with in their daily lives as well as in their marriages. It is so easy to say me, me, me and forget about the other person. When we let selfishness win continually then we are doing serious damage to our relationships. Selfishness smothers love and doesn't allow it to grow. Over time it can kill it completely. No wonder so many marriages end in divorce! It's all because we can't look beyond ourselves and put the other person first.


"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." Philippians 2:3 

Money Madness

If you are married, I would bet a whole heck of a lot that you have had at least one fight with your spouse about money. If you are single then you probably just fight yourself about what to do with money. In today's world money is one of those things that you can't live without because we just don't barter in the US. You have to go to work and make money to pay the bills, buy the groceries, put gas in the car, and all the million other things you do. So what's the big deal? Money is necessary--a necessary evil, some would say--but it can't be the ruling force in your life, marriage, or ministry.

Why is Money so Maddening?

Today I was looking at the statistics and money is still one of the leading causes of divorce. Why does something so small as paper and coins cause so much stress and drama in our lives? I think the answer is two fold.

First, you need money to meet your basic needs such as food, clothing, and shelter. If you don't feel that you have the money you need to meet these needs and wants then things start to get hairy and many people panic.

Second, money becomes maddening when you lose the proper perspective of its role in your life. The Bible says, "For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs." (1 Tim. 6:10) When we lose sight of the fact money is designed to meet our basic needs rather than to be an object of love and obsession, we give love too great a priority in our lives. It becomes maddening because the lack of money now is an issue of love and statisfaction. When you love money you let it define you. It is who you are. It shows your social status and importance in society. It is no longer just a tool. It must be obtained at all costs. This is where marriages get into trouble.

Why Money Ends Marriages.
This is just my opinion, but I believe that money is one of the leading causes of divorce when one or both spouses lose their perspective and begin to love money. Then the issues of mismanagement, lack of funds, who makes more, and who spends more become mangnified to the point that they become life altering issues. You become selfish of things and people when you love them. It is the same with money. If you love it and you don't feel you are getting your fair share of it you become angry. If you are living in anger, you can't live in love. In the realm of human capabilities these two emotions, love and anger, are very mutually exclusive. Why do you think Jesus says, "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money." (Matt. 6:24 & Luke 16:13)

Your Thoughts

I have given you my thoughts on Money Madness. Later this week, we will talk about ways to help manage your money and fight the money madness. But for now I want to hear your thoughts. Why do you think money is so maddening? Why do so many marriages end over money?