Moving to Saint Joseph, Missouri

It's official. Jimmy and I are moving to Saint Joseph, Missouri. Ok, let me back up a little and tell more of the story.

For a little while now, Jimmy and I have been praying about whether or not God was leading us to the Kansas City area. If you don't know that's where Jimmy's Grandfather who raised him lives. Grampy is well over 80 years old and his health has gradually been failing and Jimmy has really wanted to be close to him and have a chance to take advantage of the time that Grampy has left. So we prayed and prayed and prayed about what God was wanting us to do. A little over a year after we began praying His answer began to show itself.

A couple of months ago Jimmy got a call from his friend Mike. Mike wanted to know if he could send our resume to a church he used to work for in Saint Joseph, Missouri. We said "yes" so he contacted McCarthy and sent them our resume. We didn't really know what to expect.

In July, McCarthy contacted Jimmy and asked him for a phone interview. I thought that was pretty positive but Jimmy just shrugged his shoulders and told me "nothing ever comes from me doing phone interviews. I have never had one that resulted in anything." So we tried not to get our hopes up. Needless to say, something did come from this phone interview :)

No after another interview and a busy, long weekend of meeting people and answering a million questions Jimmy has officially been voted in to become the full-time Associate Pastor of Student Ministries for McCarthy Baptist Church! We are so excited! God has really been in this process and even though we didn't always see him at work--He totally was!

Please forgive me if I don't post regularly over the next month or so because I will be cleaning, packing, and moving. We plan to have our moving day on Friday, September 16th. If you are in Saint Joseph, you should come and see us on our first Sunday which will be September 25th.

Pray for us as we relocate and start a new ministry and a new chapter in our lives. It's very exciting and very scary all at the same time!

Grace and Peace,
Chrsitiana

Busy Week!

This morning when I opened my eyes I took a deep breath and prepared to plunge into one of my busiest weeks of my year. For me it's the week before leaving on mission trip. That means I have a ton of little things...like laundry and packing...that have to be done before we leave bright and early on Saturday morning.

This year I feel especially overwhelmed because of the car problems we are having. If you don't know, a little while back our car was vandalized when someone poured fabric softner into our gas tank. On the advise of the mechanics we talked to (all five of them) we waited it out to see what was going to happen because no one knew for sure. Needless to say about a month later, our car's fuel system is caput. So our car has been out of commission since Wednesday. So I have been at the mercy and grace of all those who have either given me a ride or allowed me to borrow their car to get to work and do my grocery shopping (thanks, Cindy & Dustin & Shaina!).

Still I am trying to maintain a good attitude and not get too stressed out while I wait for my car to be repaired and to depart on mission trip. So if you have a second to stop and think about me, say a prayer that everything will get worked out quickly so that I can finish all the little things that I have planned this week. Also pray that our car repairs will be covered by insurance and will be done for a reasonable price. But most of all pray for the five different youth teams that will be convergining on Kansas City, Missouri, on Saturday, July 16th for Mission Trip!

More Mission Trip Facts:

• 5 Mission Groups from 3 States (many led by former youth of my husband's)
• 90 youth, adults, and college students from age 11 to 62ish
• Working in 4 local Kansas City, MO ministries
• Partnering with 3 local churches
• For 8 days

It's going to be great!

Heart of Worship from SURVIVING Student Ministry

Good morning, everyone! I am sure that you have all hear me talk about my husband, Jimmy, about a thousand times on here. Jimmy is an amazing man and an amazing youth minister who just happens to write two blogs--one for ministry and one for entertainment. Today, I want to share with you a link to his recent post on worship. It's called Heart of Worship.

I don't know about you, but working with teenagers we often hear complaints. "I like this but I don't like that." or "Why do we have to do things this way? Why can't we do them my way?" You name it and we (and probably you) have heard it.

A not great trend we have been noticing is that this extends to church. Jimmy's post deals with having a heart of worship no matter what the worship style but talking about what worship really is. I encourage you to read his post and to leave him a comment. It would really encourage him and it might even encourage you!

READ Heart of Worship NOW

More Resources:
Jimmy's Ministry Blog: SURVIVING Student Ministry
Jimmy's Movie Blog: the 365 Blog Challenge
Jimmy's Blogger Profile
Our Church Website

the Super Bowl and Other Things that Cause Stress

Last night was Live Out Loud Student Ministries fourth annual Super Bowl Party. Our youth, college students, Jimmy and me, and a few of our adult leaders all gathered at the Nelson's house to watch the big game or play cards or play wii or just have a good time. It is usually one of the most laid back events we have every year. We gather at the church and bus the kids to the house. The kids bring drinks and any special snacks. We provide the  Game, the Wii, and pizza. Simple enough.

On the outside this year seemed just that simple too. Behind the scenes things were quite a different story. Over the past year our group has been going through some difficult struggles and transitions. Attendance has been up and down and tensions have been high. So as we called Little Caesar's Pizza to order 12 larges we prayed that there would be enough people there to eat them. In fact, the stress was so bad that Jimmy couldn't get a good night's sleep the night before.

I tried to tell him that everything would be fine and that kids would show up. Hey! It's the Super Bowl. There's free pizza! And although we do a devotion instead of watching the half-time show, most teens feel this is a non-threatening environment where they are not going to get preached out. So they would come.

But the whole week leading up to the party, we got phone call after phone call after Facebook message after text message of students who weren't coming--even some of our dependable regulars! It was discouraging and added to the already mounting disappointment.

Finally Super Bowl Sunday gets here and the phone calls start again. Only this time they are students who haven't been in months who wanted to let us know they were coming. It was a total 180. In the end, we ate 10 out of 12 pizzas. We had so much fun routing for our teams. We had about 30 or so students and adults, but most importantly God provided! He blew our minds and made us feel foolish for stressing out in the first place instead of trusting that He would take care of it. Even if it was just a Super Bowl Party. There was no need to stress. God is in control and always has been.

"Look at the nations and watch--be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told." Habakkuk 1:5

Missions & Ministry

This is our whole mission team. Villebrook Baptist Church & the Harrison Baptist Association.

Whew! Just got back from a week of ministry in inner-city Memphis, Tennessee. Jimmy and I took our youth group on their third mission trip this year. The previous two years we went to Springfield, Missouri, but this year we were allowed to take them a little farther out of their comfort zones.

We used the eight days that we were on mission trip to teach and reach. Our teens had classes in the mornings to challenge their brains and equip them mentally for life and missions work. In the afternoon, we took them to their ministry sites to get down and dirty with people who live in extreme poverty. One team was doing street witnessing. Whether they were feeding the homeless at Church Without Doors or handing our water bottles in the Memphis heat, their real purpose was to share the love of Jesus Christ. Our other team did a vacation Bible school for an inner-city church that couldn't afford to do one for themselves. They loved on kids, fed them snacks, taught them songs, and connected them to people in the church who would continue to help them long after we had gone.

The week was long and hot but much good was done. I saw our students gain a new appreciation for their physical possessions and for their families. I saw children who came broken hearted leave with a smile on their face because they had found a small piece of hope and happiness. I saw God move.

I would suffer all the heat and heartache in the world to have the joy of seeing people come to Jesus!

When Life Throws You a Curve

It was Sunday afternoon. The stress had been mounting. Then the pain started…and Jimmy’s back went out. This hasn’t happened in the past four years, but when it happens it is horrible! When his back goes out Jimmy can’t do anything without pain. Sitting causes pain. Standing causes pain. Laying down causes pain. Reclining in his chair causes pain. Going to the bathroom…well you get the picture.

As a result, I was put in charge of leading youth last night. Trust managing twenty-five teens virtually on your own is not at the top of my “Fun Things to Do” list. Truth be told, I got so stressed out about it that I felt physically ill by the time 7:00 rolled around, and I had a bad attitude about it all afternoon. I wished that two of our most experienced college helpers weren’t out of town for a funeral. I wished Jimmy was well enough to go with me. I wished that the adult who sometimes fills in for us didn’t have to be in prayer meeting last night. In short, I was really selfish and whiny about the whole situation.

Then God got my attention. He brought to my mind one of the verses I memorized a long, long time ago. “Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing.” (Phil. 2:14-16) Okay, God. I get it. I feel convicted. I have been doing exactly what this verse tells me not to do. Plus, my attitude is keeping me from being a shining light, a representation of You, to the people around me. All they see is a grouch with a frown on her face. If they knew I was a Christian I am sure that they wouldn’t want to be one! What a shame.
But God didn’t stop there…

After convicting my sinful attitude and actions, God reminded me of another memory verse. “And me know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those He predestined, He also called; those He called, He also justified; those He justified he also glorified.” (Rom. 8:28-20) I couldn’t believe it! God took the time to encourage me and to remind me of His promises even though I had messed up! Even if we don’t get to go to the Cardinals’ sluggie game on Friday or go on our anniversary trip to see our friends in Arkansas, God has it all under control and He is working it together for good. Why? He predestined it! It is our destiny. God knows the beginning, middle, and end or our story. Nothing escapes Him. He has called us through it and justified us in it. In the end, He will get all the glory from the good outcome He will bring to us. Yes, we may not see the good that will come from these momentary troubles until many years later, but rest assured…God ALWAYS keeps His promises.

So when life throws you a curve, STOP complaining and START looking forward to the good that will come!

When God Moves

In the 26 years of my life and 21 years of my Christian walk, I can probably count on my fingers the number of times I have felt God move in a big way. God often answers prayers (even if He doesn’t give us the answer we want to hear) but He seldom shakes us to the very core. However, I saw God move this weekend and I felt Him shake me in a way that I haven’t felt for sometime. This past weekend we had our 3^rd annual Disciple Now weekend at Villebrook. The theme of the weekend was Epic. We wanted the youth to experience God in a way that they have never before. I don’t think that any of us could have imagined what God would do, which was appropriate since the theme verse for the weekend was 1 Corinthians 2:9 …

“However, as it is written:

  ‘No eye has seen,

  no ear has heard,

  no mind has conceived

  what God has prepared for those who love him’”

This weekend strongholds were broken. Sins were confessed. Lives were changed. It’s all because God moved. God began convicting His children of the sin they had been harboring in their life and they listened to Him. They confessed it to Him and to one another. Then they prayed for one another and built each other up.

God not only spoke to the teenagers this weekend, He also spoke to me and to Jimmy and the other adults. Then He answered my prayer for the weekend. I have been praying for weeks that whatever God started with the youth group would pour out into our church and begin to rekindle the fire in the adults. Sunday morning, some of the teens shared testimonies about the weekend. Others praised God through the reading of scripture. We all praised God through the singing of worship songs. Then it really hit and the adults began to confess their sins and pray for each other. It was an overly emotional time, but the healing process was genuinely started for the first time! Praise the Lord!

Over the next few days, I am going to talk about some of the issues that God dealt with me on Saturday night. For now, I simply want to show you a picture of our kids (who are very much my family).

By the way, in case you are wondering…the logos are on the back of the t-shirts, but they look like this…

“However, as it is written: ‘No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him’” 1 Corinthians 2:9

the Friendship Issue

A couple of days ago, I was having a really crummy day. I woke up in pain. I had to get everything ready for the day. I was disappointed that my plans had fallen through, and in short nothing was going right. I really needed a girlfriend that I could talk to, vent to, and who would give me a big hug in the end. The problem was that I didn't have a girlfriend like that readily available to me. The question is "Why not?". This is what I call the Friendship Issue.

What is the Friendship Issue?
Friendship is one of the best gifts that God has put into our lives, but why does it have to be so hard? Then you add the fact that you are married to a minister into the equation and it makes things infinitely harder. Why?

Friendship is harder when you are in ministry or married to someone in ministry for a couple of reasons.

Number 1: You must surround yourself with people who are holding to a high Christian standard and won't bring you down all the time. You're getting enough people tearing you down without your friends doing it too.

Number 2: Your friends MUST be able to keep your confidences without it affecting the way that they view your church, your ministry, or even you. This is why I personally find it very hard to have intimate friends in my own church. In general, they can't separate your struggles from what's going on in the church.

Number 3: When you are in ministry you will probably relocate several times and distance can often cause problems in maintaining friendships.

How Do I Solve the Friendship Issue?
When I have days like the one above, what do I do? I am still learning this myself, but so far this is how I have learned to handle it. If you have any helpful suggestions I am more than willing to hear them as I am still learning in this area.

Number 1: First and foremost, I turn to God. I pray and tell Him how I am feeling. I ask Him to show me how to get through this.

Number 2: I have developed a small core of women (most of whom are other ministry wives) that I trust implicitly and who I know care about me. Most of all they know what I am going through because they have most likely gone through it to. These are the women I call when I need to vent, to cry, to share my joys, or to chat.

Number 3: Never be afraid to ask for help. If your tried and true friends aren't available, God can and will meet that need through someone else. Pray about it of course, but I am sure that you have a bunch of godly women in your life that have been wives much longer than you have and who are more than willing to listen to you and comfort you and help you. Just make sure that they aren't the church busy-bodies. Use common sense and good judgment but don't be afraid to reach out to these women. They may be the most unexpected blessing of the day.

Closing Thoughts
I know that this isn't a fool proof method and I know that many of us have and probably will be burned by friendships again but you can never stop making friends. If you cut yourself off from the world you won't be able to handle life. It is important that no matter how many bad hands life deals to us that we just keep on living. The best way to do this is through forgiveness, faithfulness, and friendship...but that's another story

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."

TIME & LOVE the Languages of Discipleship

When I was growing up I had many youth leaders that were single females, but never had the advantage of having a youth minister with a wife. Now here I am and I am the youth minister's wife and I am wondering what I can give to these girls that those youth leaders were never able to give to me. Looking back, I realized that more than anything I wanted a strong, godly female to take me under her wing, to spend time with me, to love me, and to disciple me. I think that I would have given almost anything to have that kind of influence in my young life! When I met Jimmy I loved the way that he would combine the discipleship, love, and time into one technique and that's when I began to realize that time and love are inseparable parts of what discipleship is. In fact, they are the languages in which the lessons of discipleship are communicated!

What is Discipleship?
As I thought about discipleship and what it means to be discipled, I would get the dictionary definition of discipleship. According to Dictionary.com (because who has a real dictionary these days), the use of discipleship as a verb is obsolete! I couldn't believe it! I mean it literally says, "–verb (used with object) Obsolete. to teach; train." Do we really disciple so little that the very use of the word discipleship has become obsolete. What a shame.

Of course when you are looking for an example of what discipleship is what better example than we have than Jesus. I mean where do you think the word discipleship comes from? When Jesus called His 12 disciples, He called them to live life with Him. It wasn't a meeting that they had once a week for an hour or only on the Sabbath -- it was a life lived together, teachable moments, and so much more. So let's break it down and look at the two key ways that discipleship lessons can be communicated to your students.

Discipling with TIME
I have heard it said that once you have spent 10,000 of deliberate practice in your field; you can officially call yourself an expert. As Christians we should desire to be experts at following Christ, and as youth workers and spouses we should want our students to become experts in following Christ as well. I would hazard to guess that by now most of us realize that the majority of teenagers (and some adults) are way to commit 10,000 hours to anything other than video games and TV without someone else helping and encouraging them. This is where discipling with TIME comes into play.

When you spend time with someone you are building a lasting and influential relationship. If someone who you spend lots of time with asks you to do something or not to do something you are more likely to follow through than if some complete stranger asks you to do it. Why do you think that so many teenagers have problems with peer pressure? If you want to make an impact in the lives of your teens, you need to spend time with them outside of the church. Go out to eat. Go to the movies. Have them over for dinner. Spend some 1 on 1 time with them (or 1 on 2 if your spouse is available to hang out too). Let them know that they aren't lost in the crowd. They are important and you do care about them. I realize that it isn't possible to spend 1 on 1 time with every single student, but with a little prayer and observation God will show you the ones that will really benefit from the time you invest in them. Use the life moments and memories you experience together to teach them about what it means to live your life as a Christian outside of church. Show them how you deal with things like death or births or whatever life throws your way. The most important thing is that you are investing TIME in them. Now let's talk about LOVE.

Discipling with LOVE
I would hazard a guess that 99.9% of us have heard the saying "LOVE is spelled T-I-M-E" and now you're thinking "Didn't we just talk about time?". That's right we did so the great news is that you are getting a 2-for-1 deal today! Isn't that awesome! The reason I pull this out separately is that I want you to focus just a moment on the words you use to communicate must be words of love. Ephesians 4:15 says, "Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ." Without words of love we won't mature mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. God designed love to be the fertilizer of our lives. It helps us to grow big and strong and to produce fruitful crops. Words of love are vitally important to our survival!

The best thing about using words of love is that even when you have hard truths or corrections to communicate, when you use words of love the situation has the potential to come to a positive end. SO I encourage you to spend time telling your youth how great they really are. Encourage their potential. Speak the truth in love. Don't use negative nicknames or tear them down just because you can. Take time to grow and mature the seeds of potential that God has planted in their lives. Come on you can do it! It just takes a little genuine love.

Dealing with Rebellious Students

As youth workers, we have all encountered the students who come to church because it’s something for them to do on Sundays and/or Wednesdays. Their apathy has become ignored and accepted and their actions annoy us but don’t surprise us. But the ones who really break your heart are the rebellious students. When I say “rebellious” here I am referring to the students who are actively involved in every part of your youth group, they show great potential, they come to you and ask you to keep them accountable, and when you keep them accountable like they asked they tell you to “butt out!” So what do you do with these rebellious students? Do you cut them off? Do you pretend like nothing happened and continue as if they never asked you to hold them to a higher standard? Where’s the balance between love and indulgence? Let me tell you that I don’t have all the answers. But I can share a couple of principles I try to keep in mind when dealing with these rebellious youth.


Number One: Don’t Hold a Grudge
Colossians 3:13 “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

Trust is a big issue for me and I find it especially hard to let go of the hurt I feel when I have been told to “butt out” by a student who came to me and asked for my help, especially if it’s a student that I have personally invested a lot of time and energy in mentoring. But with out forgiveness, the relationship will shrivel and die. Yes, what they said and did hurt my feelings but I can’t continue in un-forgiveness because then I am the one with the sin problem.


Number Two: Show Discipline Mixed with Love
Revelation 3:19 “Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent.”

I thought about using the word “consequences” here instead of discipline but I decided on discipline because that’s what God does, He disciplines His children so that they will repent and turn from the wrong path. So let me encourage you in this…Don’t discipline out of anger or to get even or to cut them out of your life. Discipline them because you love them and want them to make the right choices in the future. When you mix discipline with love the punishment always fits the crime, so to speak. If youth aren’t living the life they should be then they shouldn’t be in leadership. If they aren’t showing up for practices they shouldn’t be in the band or on the drama team. If you have the wrong attitude and are showing disrespect, you shouldn’t be rewarded for these actions. Reward the actions that you want to encourage and give reasonable consequences for the actions which need to be curbed and/or eliminated.


Number Three: Be Willing to Move On
Philippians 3:12-14 “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

Don’t dwell on the past and expect students to rebel every time. Self-fulfilling prophecies often come true because we act according to what we expect to occur so it happens because we assumed it would. From day to day and year to year, your students will grow and change just as you do. Sometimes the changes are quick and sometimes they aren’t positive but rest assured that change will happen. So why expect them to be the person that they were before? Yes, remember where you have come from. Learn from it, but don’t set up camp in the past. Get to the point where you are willing to allow these students opportunities to regain trust through making good decisions and being faithful in their commitments. Be willing to let them show you that their attitude has changed. Never forget where you have come from and the things that you have experienced because these are the things that impact and shape who you are, but always move forward.


These principles are not the perfect solution but hopefully they help you as they have helped me.

Welcome to Life as a Minister's Wife

Hi, my name is Christiana and I will be your guide during your time on "Life as a Minister's Wife". Since we will hopefully be spending a lot of time together, I want to take some time to introduce myself, my husband, and our ministry to you. SO let's get started!

Who am I?
As I said before, my name is Christiana. I am 26 years old. I graduated for Southwest Baptist University in December 2005 with a Bachelor of Arts in Intercultural Studies. Now I work for the Missouri Baptist Children's Home, a non-profit ministry that serves children and families all around the state of Missouri. I moved to St. Louis in 2006 when my husband and I started dating. Most importantly as it pertains to this blog, I am the wife of a youth minister and a full-time partner in our youth ministry.

Who is my Husband?
My husband's name is Jimmy. He is wonderfully creative and organized (surprising for a youth minster). He helps to make life interesting with his humor, inside jokes, and unique approaches to life and ministry situations. We have been married for almost 4 years now, but we have been doing ministry together since 2000. Jimmy has been a youth minister since he graduated from Southwest Baptist University in 1998, so that's 12 years of ministry experience. Jimmy is currently the youth minister at Villebrook Baptist Church in Hazelwood, Missouri.

What is our Ministry?
Youth ministry! It's what we do. It's why you're reading this blog, but let me tell you a few more specifics about where we are right now. Since 2007, Jimmy and I have been working with the youth and college students at Villebrook Baptist Church. We call ourselves "Live Out Loud Student Ministries" or LOL for short. Our first Sunday at Villebrook we had 5 teenagers now we average around 35 on any given Wednesday night. It's amazing to see what God can do in just 3 short years!

The mission of LOL Student Ministries is to reach the lost, train the saved, and apprentice the next generation of ministers. It can be a real challenge sometimes, but what is good in life that isn't a bit of hard work.

Until We Meet Again
Now that you know who I am, who my husband is, and what we do I have only a few short moments left. In the posts to come I hope that you will be able to relate to the struggles and the joys that I have or will encounter in my Life as a Minister's Wife. May God richly bless you and all that you do today.

Grace and Peace,

Christiana